OUTRAGE!!!

Yeesh. I've been slacking hardcore on the whole interweb hobby thing, and it's time to turn over a new leaf. Since narrow definitions of morality and the blanket deployment of the prison-shiv of righteous indignation seem to be our new national pastime, I have decided to undertake my own moral crusade.

The makers of Duck Tales, Tale Spin, and Darkwing Duck must pay!!!

Broadcast in the late-80s / early-90s and targeted to the after school audience as wholesome children's programming, one might understandably misconstrue this Axis of Cartoon Evil as harmless fun for impressionable young people. Unfortunately, the truth - as always - is horrible and frightening.

Using the incredible computational power of the Ebcron Von Briggstratten 3000 ™ super computer located deep within the depths of my science hole, I have discovered a direct correlation between moral degeneracy and these so-called “children’s programs.”


My Science Hole


Ebcron Von Briggstratten 3000 ™

The chart below outlines the stark increases in instances of moral depravity during the broadcast time of this unholy trinity.



I have obviously uncovered a nefarious plot, most likely concocted by the Red Chinese to undermine the American Family.

My fellow outraged Americans, please stand with me to loudly and violently condemn the Disney Corporation. I will not rest until the perpetrators of this unmitigated evil have been clapped in irons and repeatedly nipple-shocked Abu Ghraib-style until they squeal like the goat-legged Satanists they are.

Yours in red-faced outrage,
The Rev. A.M. Abrams

- posted by Aaron @ 2:16 PM