WEEKEND SHENANIGANS:

While I didn't manage to arm-wrestle any pregnant women this weekend, I did challenge a dude who barely spoke English to a game of pool. I was trying to win his awesome airbrushed Jesus-on-the-Cross sweatshirt. It said "Our Lord" across the back, and Jesus was all bloody.

Once I got my point across he politely refused. At least that's a rough translation of "Chinga tu madre" I think.

Later, a Somali cab driver yelled at me.

"You know nothing white man! You are the one who owns the slaves!"

What?
- posted by Aaron @ 2:50 PM

 
WHATEVER HELPS ME SLEEP AT NIGHT*:

I bit into a springroll the other day and fully cracked a filling on a piece of gravel. At first I was grossed out, 'cause gravel shouldn't be in a spring roll. Eventually I remembered that there was probably about 40 tons of gravel in my immediate neighborhood that had been dumped by the City in their futile attempt to keep the roads open during our recent snowstorm.

Sidebar: My fellow Portlanders, seriously, buy a friggin' clue. It's just 6 inches of snow, not the goddam Rapture. It's not that big a deal.

Anyways, I've decided to go with "the tons of gravel from the roads got into my springroll" instead of the more unsavory "The gravel stuck to the dead cat got in my springroll".

*Other than my usual routine of huffing a half pint of ether

- posted by Aaron @ 3:56 PM

 
YEEHAW!:

Snow Day Suckas!



School = Cancelled
Work = All non-essential personnel released

I'm not sure how I got lumped in with all those chumps in the non-essential category, but I'll take it
- posted by Aaron @ 12:29 PM

 
TIMELINE - 12/31/03 To 01/01/04:

10:30 PM - 35th and Clinton:
- "Let's go man."
- "Wha?"
- "Let's go to that party."
- "Aren't we at a party?"
- "Trust me."
- "OK, but if this sucks yer catchin' a beating."

11:00 PM - Interstate 5 Northbound:
- "Fer Chrissake, man! Where is this place? Egypt?"
- "Relllllaaaaaaax."

11:15 PM - Fiske Street, just off Lombard:
- "Ummmm, why is everyone at this party wearing a wig?"
- "I dunno man, it's like, their 'thing', or something."

11:30 PM - Living room of house on Fiske:
- "Do you think you got what it takes?"
- "Huh?"
- "Get down here and arm wrestle me!"
- "What?"
- "Just be careful, I'm 3 months pregnant."
- "Umm...OK."

12:00 AM - Kitchen of house on Fiske:
- "Happy New Year!" (cue Champagne)

12:25 AM - Basement of house on Fiske:
- "So how's your New Year treating you?"
- "Um...OK."
- "Didja get a chance to make out with anyone, yet?"
- "Who are you again?"

1:30 AM - Porch of house on Fiske:
- "I gotta get some air, I'm going for a walk."

1:45 AM - North Portland, coordinates unknown:
- "Fuck, It's cold out here. Hey, sweet, A bar."

2:00 AM - Random, depressing, almost-empty bar:
- "How ya doin' tonight?"
- "Pretty well, and yourself?"
- "It's slow in here tonight. Just the regulars. You look like you need a shot."
- "You are a wise man."

2:15 AM - Random, depressing, almost-empty bar:
- "Who are you?"
- "Me? Nobody. Just a guy."
- "Are you famous?"
- "What? No man, I just came in from a party down the street."
- "Can I have your autograph?"
- "Uhhhhh...sure. Who do you want me to make it out to?"
- "Don. I come in here all the time, but I never seen anyone famous."
- "OK, Don. I'm not famous, but here you go."
- "Thanks dude."
- "Can I get my tab?"

3:00 AM - Basement of house on Fiske:
- "Woah, there's a band down here?"
- "Yeah man, where you been?"
- "Um...around. Do they know any Hall and Oates?"
- "I dunno..Hey do you guys know any Hall and Oates!"
- "We know some Commodores."
- "Fuck yeah!"

4:00 AM - Porch of house on Fiske:
- "I don't care what you say, a Navy SEAL could never beat a cougar in a fight."
- "No way man, SEALS are like trained and shit. He'd be all 'Hi Yah!' and that cougar would be totally fucked up."
- "That's a good point."
- "Wait...what are we talking about?"
- "Yeah, I think it's time to go home."
- posted by Aaron @ 9:49 AM