PREDICTIONS:

I have focused my considerable psychic and mental energies upon the new year, using techniques developed by a coven of ancient gypsy mad-women, and then even further developed into an exact science by that esteemed practitioner of the dark arts, Count Cordoba deBakula. After fasting for 30 days, my powers of prognostication have revealed the following predictions.



In 2004...

The Handlebar mustache will become the must-have fashion accessory of the year. All of young Hollywood will sport one of these waxed beauties, and the ladies will undoubtedly swoon.


Pirates will be declared "dead" by the hipsterati, resulting in a massive Conquistador craze.


Trucker hats will be replaced briefly by leg-warmers.


But, the railroad engineer hat trend will be continue well into next year.


And finally, using his sudden and massive fame resulting from the smash Broadway remake of "The Golden Child" to force "The Wong Amendment" through congress, Victor Wong will be elected president in a lanslide. His administration will be brought low however, by a scandal involving two of his co-stars from the 1992 film, "Three Ninjas".


- posted by Aaron @ 4:00 PM

 
MEMORIES:

In order to avoid going months between posts, I have decided to start an occasional series dedicated to Irvington Elementary...

Jealousy:

I was in 5th grade with a dude named LaVerne. He had one leg shorter than the other, and I think he was on some program where he got free orthopedic shoes because he always had the awesomest kicks. He had this pair of red Nike Vandals - one regular, and one with six inches of extra sole so he could walk straight. I wanted red Nike Vandals so bad, I was ready to go to jail.



We got in a fight on the last day of school because he crushed my popsicle stick replica of Fort Carson with a dictionary.
- posted by Aaron @ 1:58 PM