PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILING:

Dubya's favorite commercial has to be that "Fo'got mah Dew" Mountain Dew commercial. You know, the one with the flipping muscle car and the ethnically ambiguous daredevil stunt guy staring down some hapless jerk who thinks he can just randomly drink an anonymous can of soda he found in a 7-11 parking lot without inviting down the wrath of the almighty Vin Diesel look-alike?

I'll fucking bet you it is.
- posted by Aaron @ 10:56 AM

 
PRODUCT REVIEW:

Coffee Master's Perfect Potful (tm) Gourmet Coffee gift pack (stolen from a gift basket at work)

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100% COLUMBIAN:

Mediocre, good caffeination factor, drinkable.

VERDICT: B-
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CINN-FUL NUT:

Gag-inducing, high snicker-factor, utterly undrinkable

VERDICT: D
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HAZELNUT:

OK, not horrible, wait...it's effing decaffeinated! Automatic fail.

VERDICT: F-
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VANILLA NUT CREAM:

Gahhh! horrible, the smell clung to my clothes, and the carpet for a week. the next five pots of regular coffee tasted like it, truly the Devil's spawn. Good name though.

VERDICT: C (grade increased due to comedic product name)
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WHITE RUSSIAN:

Not bad, drinkable, high caffeine factor, makes me want to drive to Vegas.

VERDICT: (we have a winner) A
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- posted by Aaron @ 10:00 AM

 
SHORT-TIMER'S SYNDROME

Memorandum

TO: The loud girl in the front cubicle

FROM: The guy back near the file cabinets

RE: Phone etiquette

FUCK! For the love of all that is holy, if I have to listen to you cooing "Maaaarvelousss!" into that fucking phone one more time I am going to start stabbing people in the neck with sharpened pencils.
- posted by Aaron @ 11:04 AM

 
WEEKEND SHENANIGANS:

To Do List

1) Begin festivities with hearty super-tall boy of Zima.---Check

2) Instigate arm wrestling match between a Marine and a dude in the Army.---Check
Note: The Marine cheated and the match was called a draw.

3) Meet at least one person who as been attacked by a fighting cock.---Check

4) 4:00 am Footloose-style knee-slides.---Check

5) Work on multitude of important projects with looming deadlines.---
- posted by Aaron @ 1:19 PM